Breeguls and Witches and Bears, Oh My!
by Schrodinger-Ecrivain
Summary: It's the story of how Banjo and Kazooie became friends, and the story of their whole adventure...good stuff.
1. How It Began

This is my first fanfic, but definitely not my first crack at a video game story. Be ready to laugh, or maybe just vomit a bunch of times. Don't be afraid to review it...I need to know what ppl think of it, obviously!  
  
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Banjo-Kazooie: Breeguls and Witches and Bears, Oh My!  
  
Chapter 1- How It Began  
  
Twenty-five years ago, Tango, a strapping young honey bear, was at a disco ball in the city. He was a shy young bear; this was his first time at a dance, and he didn't have a date. 17 years old and still in high school, Tango had never had a girlfriend, and was hoping to meet someone special at this dance. His friends urged him to come, but he felt bitter because they all had girlfriends and he didn't. His hopes finally ended up convincing him to attend this dance, and he forced himself to believe that he would leave it with a girl on his arm.  
  
After two hours of bad disco, crazy dancing, and an overly exhausting parade of pretty girls walking by him with guys on their arms, Tango was about ready to leave, disgusted and depressed at the fact that he hadn't walked up to a single girl. Just as he was about to stand up and slip out the back door, he caught a young woman's eye.  
  
"Tango?" the pretty young honey bear called, in such a sweet voice that Tango stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around to face the source of this unbelievable voice, and saw who it was: Melody, the girl he'd had a crush on for four years. She was the prettiest honey bear in his school, and he had never spoken to her in his life, but he sure had an eye for her. He was so shocked that he'd called out his name that he forgot everything for a moment; he wanted to pinch himself, but even his dreams weren't this good.  
  
"Yes?" uttered the astonished honey bear. It took Melody a moment to reply, as if she were as nervous as Tango was. But Tango would never in a million years believe that anybody could be more nervous than he was at that moment.  
  
"Um..." the bombshell bear began. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"  
  
"Sure," Tango stuttered. He sat down next to Melody, his heart pounding like a bass drum. "What is it?"  
  
"Well..." she ran a paw through her long hair and continued. "You and I have been going to school together our whole lives, and we've never shared a word. I've been thinking, maybe it was time to change that." Tango was stupefied. He couldn't believe it! The cutest honey bear he'd ever seen, and she wanted to get to know him! This had to be a dream, but he wouldn't dare pinch himself now. "If this is a dream," he thought, "I hope I never wake up."  
  
"I'd like to get to know you too, Melody," Tango admitted. Feeling incredibly bold, he decided to tell her something he'd wanted to tell her for years. "Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"You have to promise not to laugh or anything..." Tango was already embarrassed, but there was no way he was going to pass up such a chance!  
  
"Why would I laugh? You can tell me. I promise I won't laugh."  
  
Tango's heart was beating so hard, he thought everybody in the building must be able to hear it, if not feel it. However, despite his obvious nervousness, he began. "Well, I think..." this was so hard for him. He'd never told any girl anything like this in his whole life! "I think you're very pretty, Melody. I've always thought so."  
  
Melody's face lit up at that, which greatly pleased Tango, who expected her to run away and/or throw punch in his face. "Thank you, Tango...that's so sweet of you." There was silence between them for a ten-count, but she added, "I've always thought you were very cute, too. You're so quiet and seem so intelligent...you might say you're mysterious...you leave a lot to be discovered." Tango was more thrilled than words could ever say. It was as if he'd won the lottery, and a naked supermodel had handed him the money. He couldn't think of any words to say, but his eyes said all that needed to be said. Melody's light brown face turned a shade of pink, as if she were embarrassed as Tango was. In her eyes was the same look as that in Tango's...and at that moment, both of them completely forgot about everything else in the world, and focused entirely on each other, lost in their own minds, not sure what would happen next.  
  
Tango didn't know what to think. "Ten minutes ago, I had no hope at all," Tango thought. "Now, my whole world has changed. What will happen? Is it real? Can this be true? Oh well, who am I to argue with a miracle?" He decided to break the silence. "Melody?"  
  
"Yeah?" she whispered.  
  
"Do you want to get out of here, to somewhere quiet?"  
  
"You read my mind, Tango!" They both figured it would be easier to talk if they were away from all this high-velocity dance music and commotion. So, they both got up and went outside to the balcony. It was a clear, cool, starry night. Luckily bears have lots of fur, so they weren't very cold. There went Tango's chance to show his generosity by offering Melody his jacket.  
  
Tango and Melody got to know each other very well that night, and became the best of friends. After a few weeks, they became more than friends, and eventually, after getting married and spending a few years together, they had their first and only son. They named him Banjo. Before young Banjo began going to school, they decided to move to the country, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, to a place called Spiral Mountain. Banjo went to pre-school, grew up, and became a handsome honey bear like his father. When Banjo was ten years old, his baby sister Tootie was born, who grew up to be an adorable and adventerous girl.  
  
Twenty-five years have passed since the wonderful night in which Banjo's parents met at a loud disco ball in the city. Tango and Melody have since moved away to an even quieter place, far from Spiral Mountain. Banjo and Tootie, both liking exploring and adventuring, decided to stay on Spiral Mountain. They liked being alone...but that didn't last very long.  
  
When Banjo and Tootie had lived on Spiral Mountain for only two months, a strange flock of breegul, a rare red-crested species of bird, swarmed over the land. All but one vanished: a lone breegul named Kazooie, an angry clucker with a vicious attitude and a very sharp, very loud beak. She knew nobody on this strange mountain, and had no idea how to get back home. When she came to, she had two strange bears, one small and cute, the other fat and stupid, standing over her. She tried to fly away, but was too woozy to remember how. The two strange bears took her into their home, fed her, and gave her a place to sleep. They all became best buddies in their little house, and they're all happy running around in the grass, climbing trees, and swimming (although Kazooie wasn't much of a swimmer). Their lives were quiet and free of incident...until...it...happened. 


	2. The Evil Miss Winkybunion

Chapter 2 - The Evil Miss Winkybunion  
  
A not very welcome, but highly reclusive, resident of Spiral Mountain one day decided to come out of her dark, smelly, foggy lair and create some havoc. Fed up with being an old wart-covered curmudgeon, she wanted to steal the looks of a more beautiful creature, but could not find anything but nasty Gruntlings, a mean monster named Klungo, and a dirty old piece of pottery called Dingpot. Of course, until Banjo and Tootie came around. In her grimy, cracked, but efficient crystal ball, she found Tootie, a sickeningly adorable young cub. Fed up with being too ugly to hold down a steady boyfriend -- she became rather bitter about this when her boyfriend Mumbo Jumbo left her -- she devised a plan in which she would steal Tootie's beauty to turn herself into a witchy mega-hottie. This means bad news for Banjo, Kazooie, and especially Tootie.  
  
"Banjo, come look!" exclaimed Tootie, the adventerous young bear. "There's a big onion bouncing around in the grass over there! Let's play with it!"  
  
"An onion?" asked Banjo, keeping in mind that his imaginative young sister often made up wild stories. "Are you sure it's an onion? Onions don't usually get up and walk around."  
  
"Yes they do! Remember when those vegetables were missing and you thought I took them? I remember what you said! You said 'Well, do you suppose they just got up and walked off?'"  
  
"Come on, Banjo," said Kazooie, also quite the adventurer. "Why don't we just go look? And if she's lying, we'll make her eat nothing but onions for a week."  
  
"All right, good idea," responded the anxious bear. The pair left the house and ran towards Tootie, only to find exactly what Tootie had yelled about: a big onion bouncing around! "Hey! You were right, Tootie!" The embarrassed Banjo turned to Kazooie and asked, "Does this mean we have to eat onions for a week?"  
  
"No way am I eating onions for a week, stupid!" shouted the feisty breegul. "We'll just lie." She trotted up to Tootie and said, "We knew there was an onion there, we were just kidding with you. It was our idea."  
  
Suddenly a huge shadow was cast over the mountain. A terrified Kazooie jumped into and hid inside Banjo's backpack, where she stayed for the whole duration. "What the heck was that!" shouted her muffled voice from inside the dark pack.  
  
"I don't know," said both Banjo and Tootie simultaneously.  
  
"Hey, look at that!!" Tootie shrieked as she looked up to the sky, pointing to a rather weighty figure on a broomstick which was closing in on the bears.  
  
"Get out of my way you stupid bear, if you want to live you'll stay out of my hair!" shouted Gruntilda Winkybunion, the large beauty-lacking witch from a few paragraphs ago. She tossed a spell at Banjo, knocking him and his Kazooie-filled pack flat on the ground, and then swooped toward the terrified Tootie, who remained motionless. "Ah, a cute little girl, that's what I need, to become beautiful and fulfill my greed!" This witch seemed to have some kind of speaking disorder in which every sentence out of her smelly mouth must rhyme with the next.  
  
In one final swoop, Gruntilda grabbed Tootie and flew off into the distance, leaving Banjo and Kazooie for dead...or so she thinks. 


	3. Enter Moleman

Chapter 3 - Enter Moleman  
  
A couple of hours had passed since Gruntilda kidnapped Tootie, and Banjo and Kazooie had no idea where to start looking to find her. Fortunately, they weren't without help. Traveling via underground tunnels a la Bugs Bunny, Bottles the Mole showed up to lend a helping hand to our heroic but desperate duo.  
  
"Hello there," said Bottles after popping up from a newly-formed molehill in Banjo's front yard. "I'm Bottles. I heard a lot of racket earlier when I was eating at the underground McJiggy's earlier, and I was just wondering what the heck it was all about."  
  
"Hold it," answered Kazooie from Banjo's pack. "You eat at McJiggy's? They suck! Everybody knows that Jinjo King is better. They have a drive- thru, a fly-thru, a swim-thru --"  
  
"Kazooie!" shouted the angry Banjo.  
  
"Sorry," she mumbled.  
  
"My friend here is Kazooie, and I'm Banjo. This witch kidnapped my sister and we have no idea how to find her!"  
  
"She's probably in her lair up there." Bottles pointed to the top of Spiral Mountain, where there was a large rock formation shaped like Gruntilda's head with an entrance in the mouth.  
  
"I don't know how we missed that," answered Banjo.  
  
"It happens," Bottles responded.  
  
"Well, we better get going," Banjo said hastily. "We have to rescue Tootie!"  
  
"Not so fast, hot shot! You probably don't even know how to defend yourselves."  
  
"We'd be better than you, jam jars!" shouted Kazooie.  
  
"Leave my brother out of this," Bottles responded with a growing twinge of anger in his squeaky voice. "Hey Banjo, let's see a jump."  
  
Banjo made an attempt at jumping which would embarrass a pumpkin. "I guess I'm not that good at jumping," said an embarrassed Banjo.  
  
"I can teach you to jump better. Here, press the A button twice."  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked the very annoyed bear.  
  
"Oh, sorry...I must have eaten too many Jiggybiggy Macs. I'm a little off track today."  
  
"I can tell," replied Kazooie.  
  
"Okay, now Banjo, when you jump, put all your leg strength into it. Push hard against the ground and just let yourself soar." Banjo did so, and with much more impressive results than before.  
  
"Hey," said the suprrised bear. "It worked!"  
  
"It's gonna take a while," started Bottles. "So take notes."  
  
Bottles taught the pair of adventurers to move quicker, attack with precision, and jump to new heights, all with his own knowledge of physics and old Bruce Lee movies. After an hour of training, Bottles had Banjo and Kazooie ready for battle against any monsters they would encounter in Gruntilda's lair...and there were plenty of those to go around.  
  
"Thanks Bottles," said the gracious Banjo. "You really helped us out."  
  
"Yeah, you're not a bad guy," admitted Kazooie. "Except for the shortness and the poor eyesight."  
  
"I'm not listening..." Bottles retorted. "Now meet me at the top of the mountain and I'll tell you more." With that, Bottles hopped back into his molehill and tunneled off.  
  
"Let's go climb that mountain, Kazooie. I'll need your feathery flapping to help me get up there, you know." Banjo looked at the mountain and realized that there was no way he could have climbed it without the help of Bottles' tactics. So, the bear-bird duo ascended the massive corkscrew mountain and reached its peak all in a few short minutes.  
  
"You made it," applauded Bottles, although not surprised. "Now, Gruntilda's lair is all the way over there, across that rickety bridge. You'll need to walk carefully or else you'll fall right through it and never be able to get up there. Not to mention the fact that I'll have to peel you off the grass, which I will not appreciate doing."  
  
"Okay goggle boy," said Kazooie. "We get the point."  
  
"Kazooie!" Banjo shouted, then turned to Bottles. "Will you be able to help us any more in there? These moves you taught us may not help us if we have to fight that witch. I mean, she can fly around and shoot spells at us, and we can't do much yet."  
  
"Not to worry, Banjo. As you progress through there, you'll be needing better moves, and I'll be there to teach them."  
  
"Teach us now, you dork!" crowed Kazooie.  
  
"Banjo, resist the urge to strangle that feathery thing in your backpack," Bottles warned. "It hurts to admit it, but you'll be needing her."  
  
"Why, you cheeky..." Kazooie resisted her urge to peck goggle boy.  
  
"I'll see you at Mumbo's Mountain," said Bottles. "Good luck!"  
  
"Thanks Bottles. We'll need it!" Bottles hopped underground and tunnelled off again, and Banjo began crossing the bridge, preparing himself for the unexpected things he and Kazooie would face ahead. 


End file.
